For the patient legions of faithful . . .

The time is finally upon us. The final month of a two and a half year tournament approaches. The most watched sporting event on the planet draws everyone into this fatal trap - the trap of "making predictions".

The first rule of making predictions is that YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE TOTALLY BIASED. The second rule is that WHATEVER YOU PREDICT IS GUARANTEED NOT TO HAPPEN. So just for fun, just for a laugh, here are my predicitions for the group stages. I will also predict who I think will be the final four, and of course who I think will win. Then, when the group stages are over, I will revise my predictions for the knock-out phase. (There is no point making predictions now, as the teams I see qualifying out of the group stage probably won't all make it, and that would just bugger up my predictions.)

So here are my predictions, bearing in mind a few constants:
- the cinderella team. That team from a tiny (usually African) country, who is at the World Cup for the first time and surprises everyone by doing very well. It quickly becomes very fashionable for people all over the world to suddenly become a "fan" of this team. In 1994 it was Cameroon, in 2002 Senegal. With four African debutants to pick from this time around, it should be very interesting.

- The eastern European team that refuses to lie down. In 1998 it was Croatia, in 2002 it was Turkey. This year I'm picking it to be a team that used to be considered a football powerhouse when it had "Slovakia" attached to it's name. The Czech Republic should do well.

- The traditional power that crashes out early. Remember how in 2002 the defending champions failed to score a single goal? And remember how Argentina left after 3 matches, partly because they lost to England? Argentina are in danger of repeating the feat, and Italy could easily be this team if they aren't careful.

So here we go - the groups, with my predicted finishing order shown: (oh, and if I happen to get 3rd and 4th mixed up, that doesn't really count. all that matters is I picked who went through.)

Group A
Germany
Costa Rica
Ecuador
Poland

Never bet against the host as the host always does well, and in this case never bet against the team that has appeared in (and also lost more) World Cup final matches than any other country. Costa Rica represented CONCACAF very well at the last World Cup (scoring more goals against Brazil than England did!) and I expect them to shock everybody by going through at the expense of an Ecuador team that does not play well at lower altitudes and a Poland who doesn't seem to handle the big occasion to well.

Group B
Sweden
England
Paraguay
Trinidad & Tobago

In the football world, T&T are the 5'2" guy who all the women say is "so cute!" but no one will actually date. It's a shame that the Soca Warriors don't get more respect because their two-legged defeat over Bahrain after navigating a gruelling three-round qualification process in CONCACAF is a real tribute to this tiny island nation, and sadly the football world doesn't give them the credit they are due. Even with names that are well known in England, like Dwight Yorke and Shaka Hislop, T&T will be going home without ruffling any feathers. The same cannot be said of Paraguay. Any team that qualifies out of COMNEBOL is going to be a threat, and England's stoppage-time victories over Argentina and Uruguay earlier this year will give them the psychological edge. But the result of their June 10 fixture is by no means set in stone, and the "best England team since 1966" might go home early if things do not go according to plan in Munich. Watch for Paraguay to be the party poopers and spoil my obviously biased prediction.

Group C
Netherlands
Ivory Coast
Argentina
Serbia & Montenegro

Really? No, but a man can dream! Though I'm certain enough to put it on my blog. Another June 10 match is critical here. I'm expecting Ivory Coast's physical approach to be enough to hold Argentina to a draw. This is the weakest Argentina team we've seen in some time and the pundits are not making a big enough deal of it. If the Ivory Coast v Argentina match ends in a draw, second place will come down to who scores more against Serbia & Montenegro, since they are both going to lose to the Netherlands, who will handily top this group. I'm expecting a few fluke goals for Ivory Coast, and some unlucky posts and crossbars for Argentina, to send debutants Ivory Coast through.

Group D
Mexico
Portugal
Iran
Angola

Iran and Angola really have no business being in the World Cup. Mexico and Portugal will qualify comfortably out of what is inarguably the weakest group in the competition, though who will top the group is up for speculation.

Group E
Czech Republic
Ghana
Italy
United States

Did you know that the Czech Republic are ranked second in the world, and Italy is ranked thirteenth? My predictions in this group are exactly reverse of what most people expect. But I think that this tournament's surprise packages (the European dark horse, and the African debutant Cinderella) are going to come out of this group. Also, I disagree with most who think Group C is the toughest. For me, this is the true "Group of Death" in Germany 2006. That being said, this finishing order is little more than wishful thinking on my behalf.

Group F
Brazil
Japan
Croatia
Australia

Need we say more?

Group G
France
South Korea
Switzerland
Togo

With Park Ji-Sun on his game, and France eager to prove that 2002 was a fluke, these two teams should have no problem going through.

Group H
Spain
Tunisia
Ukraine
Saudi Arabia

Sorry Shevchenko, put one player does not a team make. While many are picking Ukraine, not Czech Republic, to be the eastern European dark horse, I don't think they have the depth to overcome the traditional powerhouse and the African champions.

So to wrap up quickly: Argentina and Italy out early. Ghana and Czech Republic to go far.

But what about my final four? It's in Europe, so it will have to be mostly European teams. I'm going for Netherlands, England, Czech Republic, and Brazil. (Is that final four even possible? I don't know!)

Since you will all feel gypped if I don't pick a winner, I'll invoke the bias rule and pick England - man of the match, Theo Walcott! (-;

So come back after the group stage to see my knockout predictions and tell me how wrong I was!